don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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