My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
