Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
