Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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