That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
