But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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