There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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