if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
