I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
worst night to have a conscience
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
