I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
