I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
