i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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