you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
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Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
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Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth