So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.