If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.