Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
What drink are we having for lunch?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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