I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
