there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
