My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
