What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you traded sex for a burrito?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
