I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
