Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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