Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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