your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
