i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
