I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
