if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
