He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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