I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel like abortions should bother me more
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
