I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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