No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
