jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
