Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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