Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
