I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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