i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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