Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
