We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
