I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
