I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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