yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
