I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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