I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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