I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
