wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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