Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
