The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
