sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
