I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
