I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
