it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
