Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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