It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
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He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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