apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
