need another drink. this is the easiest way
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize