you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
