I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
