Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
