You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
